Cat Mackenzie, trainee outdoor instructor

“I find that camping for a few nights is therapy for me”

I'm an 18-year-old and from the tiny north-west peninsula Coigach, Scotland. My passion is in the outdoors.

I love hiking, kayaking and camping, but before lockdown started I was also getting into climbing. I now don't think I'd even be able to lift my own body weight.

2020 was going to be the best year yet for me, adventure-wise, I had applied and been accepted for a job in an adventure company in the South of France from April through till August, and had also planned to spend 3 weeks (June 1st-June 21st) in Sweden, hiking the first leg of the Kungsleden (King’s Trail) by myself. It was going to be my first proper long hike. 

Unfortunately, the virus swept in and cancelled both of these plans, though I took it upon myself to try to be content with the hills and wilderness around me at home. I enjoy being at home and having the ability to still get out on the hills, do a bit of kayaking and even camping BUT I have found the last few months very difficult.

My home life isn't the best, I stay at my uncle’s house with my dad and I never stay for very long as I've found it's not a good environment for my mental health. I have no friends here and after being so excited for the year I was supposed to have had, I find myself often getting upset with the lack of things I'm able to do. My escape recently has been going away up the local hills and just sitting and marvelling at the views... wishing I was someplace else.  

I've had an eating disorder (bulimia) from a very young age (10) and I find it really difficult a lot of the time to eat without feeling guilty, or the need to go on a 3-hour-long walk etc. 

During lockdown I found the isolation and being stuck at home made this even worse and when I do go camping, I'm seeing it as an excuse not to eat as nobody can see me. I don't enjoy that the things that I would usually love and enjoy more than anything in the world, are now the same things that I'm using in a more toxic manner. 

The answer I came up with was to escape. I find that camping and being away from home even just for a few nights is like therapy to me. 

Follow Cat on Instagram @catmackenzie21